Freed: Technology taking away our ability to be wrong and argue about it

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My wife and I were driving, but I thought she’d taken a wrong turn and mentioned it.

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I don’t have a great sense of direction so she overruled me, but I persisted, even though I’m usually wrong. But before we could have a driving debate, our in-car marital mediator broke in and said: “Turn left in 700 metres, and you’ll arrive at your destination.”

So peace reigned in the car.

Much has been written about how GPS technology has changed our driving and our sense of direction. But what’s overlooked is that it’s also shut down a long-time couples battlefield.

For as long as I’ve sat in cars, I’ve heard couples bickering over directions, sometimes in explosive confrontations. I’m guessing that back in ancient Egypt this was the typical chat in donkey carts:

HER: I told you to turn left at the pyramids, but no, you wouldn’t listen! Now we’re in the middle of the desert and we’ve run out of grass for our ass.

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HIM: Don’t worry, I know exactly where I’m going! Just pass me that stone tablet map.

But today the GPS sorts out almost all disputes quickly and it’s hard to argue, because it’s almost always right. There will be even less to squabble over when self-driving cars take humans out of the front seat — and if we make any suggestions, a robotic voice will intone: “No back-seat driving, please.”

Squabbles are being eradicated by technology in other areas too, like sports. For years I’ve watched the world’s top tennis players go almost berserk after a referee makes a difficult close call.

Sometimes a shot is a millimetre out (or in) and the player on the wrong side of the decision screams at the ref, or smashes his racket into rubble.

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But in recent years “line-calling” machines have gotten increasingly good at following and filming the ball with 100 per cent accuracy, as you can see in extra-close-up replays. In the last year they’ve started replacing human officials at many big tournaments.

Now, every time players demand a replay they see they’re wrong. So lately most have stopped arguing and accepted the computer’s judgment as if the Tennis Oracle had spoken.

This has eliminated most battles, much like the squabbling of couples in cars.

Similarly, tennis crowds used to boo and heckle a ref’s “bad call” they didn’t like. But that’s stopping, too. How do you heckle a robot referee with no feelings, especially one that’s always right?

The same may soon be true of other sports, like football. There must be a more accurate way to measure a 10-yard first down than having two officials rush onto the field, each carrying the end of a medieval 10-yard chain.

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What else will the future bring to mediate possible debates? Computer algorithms already suggest which shows we should watch based on others we’ve chosen, though they’re still poor at it.

But how long before they know our tastes better than us? Then they’ll offer family viewing compromises that eliminate those “which-show-should-we-watch” debates that take longer than the actual show.

Similarly, for as long as humans could talk, weather debates have dominated conversation as we look at the sky and make personal forecasts. But I suspect computers will eventually get the weather right almost all the time too, leaving us one less thing to banter about.

GUY 1: Looks like rain pretty soon, eh?

GUY 2: Yep. Sure does, don’t it? But not till this aft I’d say.

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GUY 1: Nah, look-it the sky there. I say rain in less than 30 minutes.

COMPUTER: Correction: No rain is forecast today, with 100 per cent accuracy.

(Long silence)

GUY 1: Look-it that cow, I think it just mooed.

The biggest cause of many couple debates is the “you said” — “No, I didn’t!”— “Yes, you did!” debate.

But how long before our phones have a “conversation recall” app, where you punch in the approximate time of the disputed conversation, along with a few key words?

Then the machine will play back your chat, so you can hear exactly what you said and find you both remember wrong.

Will the end of all these tiny squabbles add to the quality of human life? One area where machines have already changed human interchanges is googling during dinner parties.

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Right in the middle of a raucous, entertaining debate about a fact no one is sure of, like “did the Egyptians have stone tablet maps?” Someone will say “I just googled it!”

In seconds the room falls deadly silent, which is why some people have banned dinner party googling. Much of life is made up of small uncertainties we love to spar and joust about, whether we’re heckling the ref, arguing over silly facts or just debating which way to drive.

As computers end these debates before they get started, we will live more stress-free, calm and conflict-free lives. But we could be bored silly.

So we may have to talk about mooing till the cows come home.

joshfreed49@gmail.com